Aug 22, 2007

Galaxy Far Far Away: Special Edition


So lets say that you orchestrate a galaxy wide conflict which results in the deaths of billions of life forms.

You lead one side of the conflict AND secretly control the other side of the conflict.

You use the conflict to convince others to give you more power.

Once you have reached maximum power as head of the government, and amassed a huge clone army, you abolish the democracy and name yourself emperor.

You now run a dictatorship of the whole galaxy.

Oh yeah, and you force your most loyal servant and protector, who has been by your side for decades, to battle his own son in a death-match to keep his job.

Congratulations! You are the biggest AssClown in the galaxy.

There are no stupid questions??


So you have a test coming up in your most difficult class; and you are relieved to find out that the teacher is going to spend an entire class reviewing material for the test.

You come to class with pencil and paper ready to take notes. The other students who are normally late for class or sleep in the back are there early and desperate to absorb as much as possible.

The teacher arrives with lecture notes and fresh markers for the board. He writes equations and some quotes on the board.

The excitement is palpable.

The teacher begins his lecture and 1 minute and 2o seconds in Dufus Dumberson asks the very first question. Your teacher answers the question briefly so he can move on, but Dufus wants clarification. The teacher expounds a little and then Dufus asks a follow up. Your teacher tries to pick someone else by pointing at them, but Dufus interupts.

Suddenly the mood in the class changes. Everyone in the room can feel the tension building except Dumberson.

Before you know what happened Dufus has been yammering for 20 minutes and a third of your chance at passing this class has gone down the toilet, because Dufus can't let the teacher finish a sentence.

If everyone in class is answering your question and groaning every time you open your piehole, then maybe you should crack your book once and awhile AssClown!

Aug 20, 2007

Mini-van Syndrome; have you been affected?


Buying a Mini-van for your family is a very difficult and noble thing to do; for men.

You really take one for the team when you get to drive the short bus around.

Some men, however, are in denial about the vehicle they are driving and will drive at speeds that are inappropriate for their van. This is not a good idea. This kind of person is a tool.

The worst kind of Mini-van drivers, have actually contracted 'Mini-van syndrome' or what is known scientifically as Premature Perambulation.

They will drive below the speed limit indefinitely, until someone tries to pass them. Someone with 'Mini-van syndrome' will then accelerate his vehicle in an attempt to not be passed by another driver. This often causes the other driver to reach 90mph(144kph) and risk a ticket if they want to get around the AssClown.

Aug 19, 2007

Gonna get me a record deal.

Offering to DJ for a family gathering, say a 50 year anniversary, is a nice gesture.

Playing your crappy demo tape at 120 decibles all night long until the old folks turn off their hearing aids, is AssClown material.

This picture is from Speedcuber.blogspot.com.
Doing a Rubik's cube will help you be a genius. Trust me. I have never met an AssClown that could solve one.

Aug 18, 2007

I find your lack of consideration disturbing...



Forget to turn off your cell phone and it rings during the movie; oops, temporary idiot.

Answer the phone; your a douche.

Answer the phone and do anything but tell the other end your in a movie; Shut up! AssClown!

Aug 17, 2007

.08


Driving while under the influence of alcohol is dumb.

Driving while under the influence, leading the cops on a chase and then jumping from the car to run, WITH A BEER IN YOUR HAND is retarded.

AssClown, when you get to jail, watch out for your cornhole, bud.

Does Orkin Do Litterbugs?



So you have packed up a nice romantic Taco Bell picnic for your sweetheart and gone off to find a quiet, peaceful and beautiful place to have your picnic. You sit and eat your Gordita's of love while birds and squirrels chatter and flit about merrily.

When you and your Sweetheart are done you put the car in gear and just before pulling away, you toss the whole bag of trash and soda cups onto the park for everyone else to enjoy.

Thanks a lot AssClown!

Aug 16, 2007

Striken Blind by Parental Mouth Soaping


If you swear loudly while having a conversation with your friend, that's fine.

If you swear loudly while having a conversation with a friend, in front of little children and old ladies; you are an AssClown.

Dirty Harry Potter


Imagine you have made your own magic wand, you are wearing a Gryffindor scarf that your Grandmother knit and wearing your Dads old glasses so you can stand in line with 200 other six year olds for 4 hours to buy the new Harry Potter book you've been saving your allowance for.

But Guess what, they run out of copies before you get one because of the men that showed up drunk at midnight to camp the line and buy a copy they wont even read before they Ebay it.

That my friends is an AssClown.

Aug 15, 2007

Reduce, Reuse and Recycle

If you move into a new apartment complex and throw all of your cardboard boxes in the dumpster without breaking them down, you are a jerk.

If you do this, and there is an empty cardboard box dumpster next to it; you are most definitely an AssClown.

Band-Aid Solution (or Sticking With the Fishes)


If you go to a public swimming pool and lose your Band-Aid in the water; you are bound by common decency to remove it. If you leave it floating along the bottom of the pool for someone to step on or some little girl to get stuck in her hair, then you are an AssClown.

Reckless Wreckers


If you change lanes 12 times in two minutes to get three car lengths ahead; you are an AssClown.